Over a year later...

I could pretend that it hasn't been over a year since my last post. I could make some incredible statement of how we have blogged in secret and never posted because we are writing a book. Those ideas and many more aren't really accurate. The following however is the truth, the absolute truth and nothing more. We will start from there and continue forward forgiving ourselves the time lapse.  Being married, working, lesbian mommies at 37 years...is challenging. The first year was a completely hard as hell. Our beautiful son was the easiest part (he managed to have only one fever, and sleep 10-12 hours a night from 4-6 months) navigating trials and tribulations of work, finance, relationship, personal needs, now that was the F N work. 

RELIGION

          We began going to a Center for Spiritual Living a few months ago. We are not a religious couple and our stumble onto the center was really not purposeful.  Both of us had expressed a desire to have a spiritual practice that we could share and grow our family in. The more traditional paths didn’t fit and our search continued until we finally took a friend up on her invitation and visited the Center. I really can’t tell you how potent and powerful the experience has been for us individually and collectively.  I believe that we are healthier at this point in our relationship because of the commitment we have made to work on ourselves, individually first and foremost and then as a unit.  As I have mentioned, the pregnancy experience has been…stressful at times and it means a lot that we are learning to understand and embrace an awakening in our consciousness. Our journey has had ups and downs. I am coming to accept that that is the beauty of life and that is much more easily said and recognized during times of calm than in a storm. 

            When we decided to get married and have a family we realized that we had a great desire and yet no direct experience of what a healthy 2 parent family structure looked like.  Let alone a lesbian parent’s model. We acknowledged that we would definitely need to acquire some skills to make it.  The Center, therapy and a rock solid support system is our method of choice.  I would recommend that every couple who ventures out to create a family of their own arms themselves with the tools that work best for them and their mate. Work what works. Throw out the rest. This is for me today as much as I share it.

            Some reading material that has helped:

Don Miguel – The Four Agreements

Eckart Tolle – The New Earth

Iyanla Vanzant – Peace from Broken Pieces

Suze Orman – Women & Money…, & Will & Trust Kit

Staybee baby Moon!

We were so excited about our one week stay home baby moon time!  We both planned to be off from work and even leave the domestic chores alone for the week.  I know it sounds impossible but we had cleaned the house and did the laundry for the week!  T had found an awesome luxury hotel for us in Philadelphia and we planned to tour old world Philly, visit the Aquarium and chill in the hotel pool and spa.  Plus, we were completely prepared to chuck all the busy stuff to chill and watch Netflix on the laptop at the hotel. Well, plan what we may it didn’t work out to be the time we anticipated and I ended up somewhat comforted by a phrase a day friend has said to me many times, ‘expectations are the root of all pain.’  To start T who hasn’t had a sick day her whole pregnancy contracted a horrible stomach virus, I was menstrual and the hotel heat broke down and we decided to check out early and head home to lick our wounds.  Oh, the hotel reimbursed us completely, we did see the Aquarium, and while we didn’t enjoy T’s sickness, I think we somehow got closer by going through yet another challenge together. 

Baby Shower, 34 weeks, Hot baby momma pictures…and Braxton Hicks!

Braxton is not our baby’s name, our shower was a completely beautiful and lovely event and yes at almost 34 weeks T posed for some of the hottest pregnancy pictures I have ever seen!

She should be in a magazine! Actually, I have to give some love to the one woman photography hero, T. Fleming over at Femworks.com her pictures are deep, clear and regal.  She shoots people of color like I have never seen.  However, everything is moving so fast now, I must admit that starting off knowing about pregnancy from conception is tedious and I was definitely experiencing some bouts of impatience and boredom with the whole thing.  But not anymore, now with only 6 weeks to go everything is happening at lightning speed.  I’m in school online taking 3 classes, working and auditioning more frequently and being as attentive as needed, to T.  I took on so much to occupy my time during the pregnancy while T was working, schooling and gestating and now I’m wondering if I took on too much.  I don’t think so, I love being busy, it makes me feel alive and at the very least it is preparing me for the gig of a lifetime, motherhood, right? And yes, we have started referring to each other as mothers.  And it really makes us giggle that someone is going to let us take a newborn baby home, and it gives both of us slight temporary anxiety when we think of how this newborn baby is to arrive in the world.  Whoa! Now every conversation ends with, ‘…are you in labor?’ (pause) ‘…nope, just Braxton Hicks!’

GMS

Due to an oversight that was luckily caught by a cousin we realized that the stroller we had chosen was subpar. Ugh! It was mandatory that we immediately race back to Babies R Us, and amend this error.  We arrived at the behemoth baby stuff place and instantly became overwhelmed.  The store was amidst a big huge stupendous sale! Again.  Everything was buy one get one free, half off or price slashed! Capitalism is alive and well and starting at infancy all over the place. 

Anyway, we made our way back to the strollers we found the Gracco Metrolite Stroller that we had been looking for, yes!  There were several different color combos to choose from, tan/red/beige, green/tan/brown, and blue/grey/grey.  We were about to make our selection when I spied the clearance area.  There were strollers over there….  I dashed to the clearance section and found, that’s right a Gracco Metrolite Stroller, it was in perfect condition, the salesperson said it was in clearance because the color had been discontinued, Yes!  That was it, excellent.  I then looked at the price tag, it was actually more expensive than the new in box non-clearance GMS.  I knew instantly that a mistake had been made and this could be my shot. 

We wheeled the GMS to the customer service desk and waited to speak directly to a manager. 

This manager guy was busy conspiring with his staff on customers who allow young children to run wild and crazy in the store like they have no sense.  I seized upon the opportunity to join the conversation as one of the gang.  We laughed and I feigned my shock and awe at their stories.  I was in, yes!  Now, that I was in, I knew that it would merely take explaining the GMS pricing debacle and working my Jersey Girl hagglers charm, to get a deeper discount than the 30% of the Clearance department.

Mr. Manager was on board, I had empathized with his struggle to control his shoppers and staff, laughed at his corny ass jokes, and was patient when he helped others before me even though I was first in line.  When it was finally my turn he treated me as friend.  He took the lower price of the item, slashed the price by the Clearance discount of 30%, then slashed another Mr. Manager special price cut in there of 25%, then, yes there’s more, wait for it…he added a protection plan for free! 

We walked out of there with a brand new Gracco Metrolite Stroller and Protection plan for about 65% less than cost!  I was so completely pleased with my hagglers skill that I almost went back to try for more but there was no way he was going to budge on the glider rocker combo set.  I had peeped him out on that way earlier.  Still I’m satisfied with what we got for our boy, he’s my whole new bargain hunting, haggle reason to shop.

The point of this blog is to remember haggling for prices is our American right!  You can haggle at Shop Rite, you can haggle at Raymour & Flanagan, you can even haggle price at Walmart!  Give it a shot, what do you have to lose if they turn you down and if they do then you save, save, save!